Dance is a conversation.... [D'verse]

Concluding 2011, welcoming 2012

2012-01-02T01:38:00.002-09:30

Year 2011 has been a roller coaster year... with many emotions involved, many uncertainties, many surprises....

in my career, i have yet again, achieved what i want, who i wanna be and still working towards a higher goal... i have moved on from just an admin girl to a full time sales executive... doing regional sales has been tiring yet so great... i travelled round the world... and these exposures will definitely bring me to another greater height.. thank you boss for all these opportunities... i believe we will fight more battles together in Year 20112. i m looking forward to it...

one of my resolutions in 2011 is to travel to at least 4 countries and surprisingly, i way exceeded it... in Year 2011, i have been to manila x2, jakarta x3, vietnam x2, australia x 2(Sydney 2 times and perth 1 time), Christchurch New Zealand x1, Hong Kong x2, Desaru Malaysia x1, china x 1(shanghai, zhengzhou, suzhou, guangzhou). What an amazing year of travel... thank you boss for the opportunities... and frens who travelled with me...

in my personal life... i had a wonderful year with my family, spending more with them as compared to past years... and i feel that this effort paid off. A family who has always been so supportive and be with me... a family that makes me feels home... a family that makes me feels that simplicity is the best happiness that can ever happen...

in 2011, i ended the longest relationship i had in my life, with Melvyn... there were alot of struggles, even till this day... complex emotions within me... as much as i love him still, i know it's gonna b a tough journey ahead if we continue this relationship... we have been through alot yet again... once and again... accumulation of disappointment leads us to where we r today... i have to admit... till now, i do not know what to do... it has ended yet not a complete end... i wanna get him totally out of my life but yet i know i can't... at least not for now... i feel like giving him another chance but yet again, he can't get anything right...not enough to convince me.. in the last few minutes of year 2011, me and him wrote our new year's resolution together, like how we did in the past... both of us mentioned nothing about us... it's an indication that this is really the end, isn't it? this is a real goodbye...i shall leave it to fate... and also.. to start fighting for myself... for my happiness... i guess the only person who understands this is isabelle...

in year 2011, me and belle struggled a tough year studying, fighting hand in hand together... at the same time of it, we have strengthened our friendship more... and makes me treasure her even more... besides my mum.. the only one who is always there for me... even wee hours when i needed her... thank you isabelle for being such a great fren... i love u and will always do... if someday u decide to go hong kong and work... i will give u my best support and visit u very very often... :)

in year 2012, i aim to set another high goal for career... and to buy a car (very likely to get one).... start my savings.. at least a bit bit... spend more time with frens... more vacations and of cos the graduating trip with isabelle... and i hope to get better health this year... and of cos... i hope to have a better year in relationship... to find my mr. right...

i love my life... and i m looking forward to a better 2012!!!

You are the apple of my eye

2011-11-22T05:36:00.002-09:30

i watched a movie today- you are the apple of my eye...
it says:
"当你真的佷喜欢佷喜欢一个人，你会打从心里祝福她。。。"
你会祝福我吗？

因为一些事，我忽然醒目了。
沒有谁能为了谁而改変。
也许你根本不曾改変过。

一个简单的约会，都可以那么轻易的忘记。。。
我难过的不是因为你不能守约，而是你完全不记得。
你真的有改了吗？你真的很愛我吗？

and then, there you goes again, act ignorant...
it doesn't solve the problem..

我要的不是对不起，而是你对我用心和诚意。

A night of emotions

2011-10-07T08:41:00.001-09:30

I was at party world with all my colleagues for company gathering.. Many many songs I can relate myself to.. Heart broken song, break up songs, emotional songs... It gets me thinking.. Back to the those memories...

Another night of crying myself to sleep... Why can't I jus let go... 因为伤得太深所以心更痛...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIAOPEI

2011-10-02T07:52:00.002-09:30

Thank you everyone for spend effort celebrating my bdae...
This year, to date i did and received the followings:
- Cable Car dinner
- USS Trip
- Rented Car drive around SIN trip
- surprise steamboat dinner with dance frens & coburn
- Marina Barrage Picnic
- Kite flying
- Epilator
- Huge teddy bear
- 2 bouquets of flower
- 4 birthday cakes
- macaroons
- sweet video from mel the swine
- health supplements
- H&M gift voucher
- sweet card from isabelle
- ang bao from mummy and family
- a stripy yellow bag (cheap bdae pressie for myself)
- sweet cookies and hair flower
- last of all, tons of birthday wishes.
(i hope i didn't miss anything out)

HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY XIAOPEI...
in this new year, i have the following wishes:
- Hoping for a better health, get my gastric cured
- graduate with not bad results
- continue working in this company and of cos, with Samuel and my lovely team
- better love life, let me drown in happiness
- to spend more time with mummy and family, although it is nvr enough
- to meet my sales target set by myself
- to rest more and remove dark eye bags =_=
- to travel around the work, no matter work or travel
ok, that's about all... no many wishes wat right? still fit in to 24 candles if there is.. ahahahaha...

JIAYOU XIAOPEI!!!

Perfect 12...

2011-09-27T14:58:00.001-09:30

27.09.2011: Perfect 12... Fond memories.. :)

2011-09-24T09:26:00.002-09:30

Another week has passed... coming to the end of company's fiscal year and nearing my 24th bdae...

officially, i am still 23... a young girl indeed :p... but it will be over in a week's time. i am starting bdae celebrations on the 27th, on a daily basis all the way till 2nd oct... those who made the effort to plan and celebrate for me.. thank yall in advance... really mean alot to me... makes me realize that i m actually still wanted... yes sounds stupid... but it feels good to be remembered...

i have one more month before company's fiscal year... desperately needing more sales... but i had a few achievement this month... close shave of losing but won of projects and tenders... congratualtions xiaopei... u know you r improving... but that is not good enough... i need more more more...

3rd week of life without him, although i still pretty much have him involved in my life... he has been nice and sticking ard me... helping me in alot of things... i wouldn't say i m not touched completely, but it is not the time yet... my focus and commitment is not there... and i m not convinced to sink in once again...

met up with pornstars and feels good... kinda reluctant to go intially bcos of some reason.. which was proven right... but it turned out better than i thought it would be... good catch up with lotsa laughter... exchanging bickers and words fighting, twisting etc... awesome night... and i m really interested to try salted caramel someday.. :D

alright, that's all about my life...
good night xiaopei, good night world. :)

2011-09-19T06:39:00.002-09:30

Busy life... meaningful life... reviewing secrets of life... it has been a month of doctors, clinics and check ups. i have been to bone specialist checking on my ankles, i have been in hospital bcos of food poisoning after i was back from Vietnam, i have been to gastric specialise and today undergone a anesthetic procedure doing a scope... horrifying... the thought of lying there so helpessness.. hopefully no more next time...

thank you melvyn for being there taking care of me... we r in a complicated status which me myself also dunno how to explain but to people out there who r so curious, we r fine and normal... not back together.. for now...

going back to work tomorrow and it is gonna be another chiong chiong chiong week.
jiayou xiaopei!!!

Another experience of life

2011-09-08T07:05:00.002-09:30

I bidded singapore goodbye on 5th september (mon) and said hi to singapore again on 7th september(wed)... it was a good trip... a breakaway for both me and him.. msges kept coming in like usual... less responsive from me... for a reason of cos... i hope we can both start to lead our individual life and stop being the shadow of each other life like how we used to be... as i move on... i hope you move on too...

down with food poisoning on the day i came back... all the way from vietnam... yes, i survived the flight... thank goodness.. thank you for being there... thank you for forcing me to hospital.. thank you for carrying me all the way... can i say i miss being in your arms? it feels so warm... and familiar... thank you for staying by my side all the way...thank you for taking care of me these two days... it really did touched my heart...

again, i hope to say... i hope this is not a dream... not temporarily... i know u r trying... this is part of the problem, therefore u have convinced a lil part of me... but it take alot more than this.. u know it.. we did everything a couple did over the last 2 days, but the status is not back... not till i m fully convinced... i dunno where this will lead us too... but we promised to move on and see how things go... i m not forcing it... because i dun believe in forcing... let nature takes it course...

overall... still a big thank you... :)

2011-09-05T06:12:00.000-09:30

愛愛愛愛了幾回　也明白其中滋味
付出的從來不會等於收回
我卻還在等待著　誰能出現

傷傷傷傷了幾回　也曾經為愛憔悴
愛情裡好人總比壞人狼狽
我卻還是學不會　狠心對誰

女︰男人男人　多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真　讓我不必再心疼
男︰女人女人　我答應做個好人
我答應用我一生　來換你的快樂一生

i'll get over it... soon...

Major Decisions

2011-09-03T09:22:00.002-09:30

it is a weekend but it means more than any other weekends.. i made 2 majors decision in my life today...

i went to see a bone specialist and has confirmed nothing is wrong with my ankle... it felt like a big stone off my heart... thank you to the one being there for me.. spending your entire morning there waiting with me...

i ended a 2 years relationship today.. as calm as i may sound... it wasn't an easy decision, given those paths we have walked together.. but then again, i am tired and as i said, nothing more i wanna do.. it was a forced upon decision for him.. i am really sorry... but i need to get away... forgive me for my selfishness... it wasn't a harsh decision though... u know it.. we both saw it coming... i give you my blessing to find the right one and i hope to get your blessing too..

For now, i m going to set my job as priority... i will do well and i know i can do it... with all the extra things eliminated from my life, i will move forward more focused each day. everyday will be a better day... jiayou xiaopei, move on and dun turn back..

thank you isabelle tan... dunno if you will be reading this... but u really meant alot to me.. thank you for always being there... thank you for accepting me... thank you for being my best friend.. i treasure every moment.. loves and hugs...

thank you mummy for the comfortable big fatty hug... i feel so warmth being in your arms again... i know u will always be there...

to guardian angel... you mean alot to me... i know u will probably never get to see this... but deep down... u know what i mean... u have been there for me... thick and thin.. thick like toast and thin like prata... hahahahaha... ok... we know how to communicate. :)

for those out there who r extremely concern about my well being, pls rest assured that i m really well.. just need a break.. and glad that i have sort things out.. even if time turned back today, i would have done the same..

TGIF...

2011-09-02T07:41:00.002-09:30

Another Friday that doesn't seems like a Friday. Not a good Friday though... it is not 13...why is my day still so bad? morning was good and normal and nothing went right after that... i trusted and defended her... and even to the last resort... have to send my boss... end up.. she acknowledge received of instructions and do otherwise.. i totally feel like being sabotaged... gosh... and then project mate... i was expecting this la... and i gave her the benefit of doubts yet she have to prove me right...

some people in life are just like that... empty promises... over promised... everything... why can they wake up the idea and be someone more trustworthy and more dependable and more reliant and more self responsible? does it feel good when sarcasm has to take place? does it feels good when you say things and people give u that doubtful look as if if it happens, it is like a miracle? i dun understand.. and i guess i will never... you know who you are... and it takes alot to convince me... to gain that trust... maybe never... but you can try...

anyway beside the preachings, isabelle and edwin made my day... belle bought tako pachi and jelly bean for me... so sweet... and guardian angel knows that i m in the worst of mood kena sabotaged although he himself was the ultimate victim who defended his soldiers, but he taught me guitar again... and yes... before my bdae... i m at least gonna be able to play the keys smoothly so that i will not disappoint him... wo ke yi de....

Fruitful

2011-09-01T07:45:00.002-09:30

It has been a peaceful, busy, fruitful, adventurous and heart warming day..

Peaceful: nothing dramatic happened for the day. i am leading another normal day without much disturbance or drama events...

Busy: had sales call all the way in Tuas and so many quotations to do...

fruitful: gym work out... shiok!!! determine to keep fit.. all the way...

Adventurous: Pei'er attempted to drive a BMW today... from tuas back to east... i m amazed that i did it too.. pick up speed is really good but the wheels abit stiff which is known as more stable in car terms i think... and i did a not bad job in parking... thank you shifu...

heartwarming: prata with my childhood frens... yes, they are always the ones making me feel so homely as if back to the simple time.. simplicity is the best... not requiring anything expensive, not anything complicated... just us and the prata shop...

A fren analysed to me today about the diff about a job and a career. it suddenly occurs to me that to me... my job now is my career. and also make me understand why so many people do not understand why i worked this why... asking me questions like "why are you always so busy?", " it is just a job, why work so hard?" and no... this is more than a job... it involves challenges, ownership and responsibility... probably the only person who has the same thinking as me is isabelle. this fren explained to me that to her, her job is just a job, she doesnt sell herself to the company... and i know many thinks that i do.. and in fact... i kinda really do.. i enjoy what i m doing... so much to learn and i m taking myself to a new challenge and overcoming new obstacles everyday... this is my life... and this is what life should be... it is precious and not to be wasted away... find the focus and concentrate on it... eliminate the unwanted of life and here it goes... focus and prioritise!!! and yes, i m ready to chiong... take me away... :)

My thoughts

2011-08-31T07:27:00.001-09:30

Again, it has been long long time since I last update my blog... But I'll try once again.. To do it on a frequent basis to express my thoughts.. Not for anyone, but myself...

Life has been hectic but it has been fruitful so far.. Due to some incidents, I came to realize or rather a wake up call that dance is actually not my everything and I actually survived well and happy without it..

Recently I met someone who has been really nice to me.. Showering and pampering me with lotsa concern.. And another someone who could have treated me better.. Ironic eh.. But it's different kind of love.. E first someone peeled crab for me.. So that I dun have to struggle with it.. Open wet tissue and put it nicely beside me so that I can use it after eating crab.. How thoughtful right..

While the other someone.. I'm kinda giving up hope.. 90percent given up.. 10percent for a chance for him to repent.. I have learnt from him.. To put everything above our relationship.. From work to school.. Everything.. Since this is how it works.. I follow suit.. I feel that I no longer have the energy to fight.. To explain.. To scold and to remind how neglected I m.. There were so many chances that u could have used to treat me better but u let it slip off once and again.. I'm tired and I'm ready to let go.. I no longer wanna commit or to put in any effort at all.. I know u have been pretty unhappy about my attitude and the way I m replying for the last few days.. But mind u.. This is what I have been getting for the last one year.. And yes.. U will b the lowest priority in my life now.. If it happens.. Good.. If it doesn't.. I'm not expecting... If we r free then meet.. If anyone ask me out.. I will gladly go and reject u.. Bcos I'm tired and I dun wanna try for anything at all.. At least not for the short term.. I need to get away.. From u..

And start my life all over again.. I feel I deserve better.. And yes I m very upset for all the quarrels and then no improvement.. Not even now.. U r not even trying... If that is the case.. Let it b a goodbye kiss.. I need to let this off my mind... Not from anger but from words of disappointment..

Good night...

Thanks u Isabelle and secret guardian angel and mummy and sister.. U guys have been really supportive about everything in my life.. And u guys deserve the attention.. Loves and hugs!!!

2011-05-23T06:33:00.004-09:30

快乐背后藏着心痛，藏着泪滴，藏着孤独。

你知道吗？

心痛比快乐更真实，爱让人失去了理智。。。

我。。。因为太理智，所以很心痛，心酸，心灰意冷。。。

你真实的答案是什么。。。

林晓培 - 不哭

2011-05-17T06:11:00.001-09:30

the lyrics that sings every bit of my heart felt words...

林晓培 - 不哭

如果爱你是种盲目　我不在乎没了退路　要拿永远当赌注　才算数

当爱变得毫不在乎　你的自私我的不服　风追逐云的影子　太无助

我能说出一千个一万个理由去爱你

也能找出一千个一万个理由去恨你

这么投入都不够　还能再说什么

留下苦自己吞服　已分胜负早该醒悟

我能说出一千个一万个理由去爱你

也能找出一千个一万个理由去恨你

用坚强掩饰脆弱　忘记你的全部

这段情我是俘虏　输得彻底却给你祝福　忍住不哭

Simple and Happy

2011-02-16T05:47:00.002-09:30

I decided to spend some time and record down memories of my life again..

life has been busy and i have been rushing my life without a break for the last two months and i am finally down a big sickness that can't seems to recover no matter what i do...

Monday was a Valentine Day... but bcos i was sick... we settled for a simple dinner... this simple dinner... however.. is filled with love.. deep to the bottom of the heart... we have been through alot recently... it has made me grow... made us grow... it will make me stronger as a person.. make as stronger a couple...

thank you to my dearest swine for being there when i needed you the most... thank you for not abandoning me... thank you for your best support care and concern...

*Love is thoughtful, understanding and true, the source of affection and grace.. it is joy discovered by two seeking hearts who have found a beautiful place... *

2010-09-26T06:28:00.002-09:30

爱要耐心等待，仔细寻找，

感觉很重要。

宁可空白了手，等候一次，

真心的拥抱。

我相信在这个世界上，

一定会遇到，

对的人出现。。。

再眼前。

我希望我已经找到那个对的人。。。

让我永远幸福快乐。。。

我。。。珍惜眼前所拥有的一切一切。。。

2010-09-20T06:53:00.003-09:30

i learnt a new poem last week from Cyndi.

Seven step poem.. in the Cao dynasty...

here it goes...

*quote*

煮豆燃豆萁

Zhu Dou Ran Dou Qi
To cook beans, you are burning the stalks of the beans

豆在斧中泣

Dou Zai Fu Zhong Qi
The beans are crying in the pot

本是同根生

Ben Shi Tong Gen Sheng
Both of us are originated from the same roots

相煎何太急

Siang Jian He Tai Ji
Why are we killing each other with such harsh?

*un-quote*

Cao Pi was always jealous of his brother Cao Zhi. Their father Cao Cao had initially wanted Cao Zhi to take over his position and rule the state. But though cunning and treacherous methods, Cao Pi managed to make Cao Zhi lose favor with Cao Cao and hence he was the one anointed to be the next ruler of the State of Wei.

Despite being the Emperor, Cao Pi was extremely wary of his brother whom he worried will be up against him sooner or later. It was at this point when his spies told him that Cao Zhi was complaining about his treatment. Cao Pi decided to take this opportunity to get rid of his brother once and for all.

Cao Pi needed a reason of course, so that at least he won't have a hard time explaining why he killed his own brother. He had his brother taken to the palace. Cao Pi next told Cao Zhi that as Cao Zhi had always been well known for his poetry and talents, he felt that this wasn't true, someone might has been writing the poems and literary works for him and wanted him to prove his talents.

To prove his talents, Cao Pi wanted Cao Zhi to compose a poem within seven steps. Making things more difficult, the poem had to mention their brotherly relationship but could not use the word "Brother". Cao Zhi composed the poem in seven steps.

This ancient Chinese poem was used as an idiom today Zhu Dou Ran Qi to mean brothers harming each other.

2010-09-18T07:55:00.003-09:30

I had my first bdae celebration today!!! it's AWESOME....

belle dropped by my place at 12 noon, handing me 3/4 of my pressie..

that consist of a photo frame specially designed by her....

a couple soft toy (bear= guy, mouse = girl)... but the mouse is bigger than bear... lol...

and a BUFFALO watch... it's beautiful.. comes with time, date and day!!!

First stop, we headed to harbour front center to have tim sum lunch...

the food tastes good... and the chinese tea they serve is damn nice..

i had quite a few cups of it...

NEXT... we went to BUILD-A-BEAR...

and i thought she was kidding when she mentioned it months back...

but belle was darn serious about it..

ok.. i built a BUNNY.. dressed all in black (since i love black so much.. and so happen tt both me and belle were in black today)...

and my bunny look damn retro.. and can sing a classic happy bdae song...

we named it the Elsabelle Tan... it means alot to me and i m so gonna take good care of it...

we made a vow that we are gonna take good care of the bunny since we brought it to life.. :)

AND THEN... followed by movie " going the distance"...

it's a wonderful love story... that touches deep down into one's heart...

it makes me re-think... how easy and how hard it is to bid ur love one goodbye...

well... no answer nor comment to that question/statement...

NEXT UP... went to clarke quay...

randomly shopped for ard an hour...

and here comes the surprise...

Mel love said he's having school till NIGHT TIME...

but he popped right in front of me at Clarke Quay at 630pm...

and appeared with a combo set of G-MAX tickets...

and from the way i saw it earlier... it had ALREADY freaked me out...

and i really have no guts to take the ride alone..

so out of sympathy... belle and mel bought another combo set...

each has to sit one ride with me...

it's an AWESOME experience... but once in a lifetime is enuff...

my lungs almost came out from my mouth... lol...

but it's really a good experience...

LASTLY, followed by a good dinner at Brasserie Wolf @ Robertson Quay...

thumbs up for the main course and dessert..

no comments for the appetizers cos all veggies and i donated to mel.. lol..

the food is basically the only thing u can compliment about there...

the service.. was close to 0 marks... except for one waiter who bothered to say "welcome" when we said "thank you"... haha...

i am very touched and speechless for all that belle and mel had planned...

thank u both for the effort..

and mel.. i know u r tired after school.. but u made the effort..

and i really feel it.. and appreciate it... thank u love...

THANK YOU ISABELLE AND MEL LOVE...

TODAY IS THE DAY THAT MEANS ALOT TO ME AND WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED...

2010-09-13T06:52:00.004-09:30

Quote of the day:

"Sometimes when life goes downhill and things get crazy, it freaks us out a little and makes us feel like we’re losing grip on something that’s really important - a part of ourselves, our lives and that scares us even more, so we try really hard to hold on tight to whatever we think we’re losing and sometimes, we hold on a little too hard."

Maybe it applies to me... for the next one month... be it good or bad... be it whether he changes or not... i will try to change myself too... to let go abit... to adjust myself to his environment... it's hard realli hard for someone who holds on so tightly for her principles... but for him... i wanna try... cos i wanna hold on to this relationship... :)

he made my day today... seems small.. but meant a big lot to me... when i kissed him goodbye tonight... when i hugged him.. i jus dun feel like letting go.. thank u dear... u pulled me back.. once again... u melted my heart... once again... ... :)

Another quote of the day:

"People get stuck in moments. Hearts break and don’t fix easy. Love is nothing easy. It is not cheap. It is the greatest thing that happens on this planet, and so it comes priced as gold. One of my best friends used to sing the words “love is war”. There is the fight for holding on. And the fight for letting go. The hardest thing I have ever experienced is the learning which and when. But I still say it’s worth it, that love is real and possible. There are things worth fighting for, and love is at the top of the list."

Thank you meiyi for sharing this webby. :D

2010-09-12T07:03:00.002-09:30

当同样的事情一而在，再而三的发生。。

我已经失去了希望和信心。。。

当我无法分变是理由或是借口的时候，我选择。。不相信。。

我不是一个能用一句道歉或甜言蜜语来哄的女生。。

现在不是。。以后也不会是。。

我累了。。厌倦了。。

我似乎是在等待着一个未知。。看不到未来。。的未来。。。

当彼此以为很了解对方但其实并非是这样的时候，

是佛应该从新考虑或是放下自尊，慢下脚步，从新来过。。

2010-09-11T08:08:00.003-09:30

It's been a long long time since i last update my blog... hahaha... anyway it is jus meant for me myself to keep those memories... and at most for belle and mel to read my thinking..

changes in my life:

belle and i have signed up for school... kaplan - degree for business mgt... it's a new beginning for the 2 of us... it's a new chapter of our life... and we r going to go through this together... :) i m excited... and hopefully both of us will be accepted into the school...

Realization of my life:

me and mel have some disagreement recently... was the verge of serious thinking if this relationship should go on... not bcos i dun love him... but bcos.. i feel i m not the priority (i dun need to b the top priority) and the commitment is no longer there.. i know we r both trying hard... to b frank... i m still struggling to get this thinking out of my mind... main reason is that he is always late and always giving the reason tt he has to meet clients and all... i can understand this but if he is meeting me... i expect punctuality and i believe ur client has some other free time rather than jus tt time alone... i can understand for once for twice about these hiccups... but i dun wanna spend my whole life waiting... waiting for him... waiting to know when we can be back like the past.. when i can have a happy day with him without being pissed..

just like the song lyrics goes..

"你想要的，我却不能够给你我全部。我能给的却又不是你想拥有的"

“最后的疼爱是手放开"

frankly speaking, besides this point... i think i've got myself the best boyfren in the world.. i dun praise him openly... but i know he is good... a caring guy- a guy who sincerely cares and nag, a guy who will b there when i need him, a guy who can cook for me, a guy who can tolerate my temper... a guy who can be real romantic..there's alot more...

so now my decision is to choose to look at these good points and tolerate the timing issue for the rest of this relationship OR to give him up to let him fulfil his career... i need time to think...

but definitely... if situation allows.. i hope to still have him...

sadly... not my call.. i can only wait for an answer...

Su Ling jie jie wedding:

I was the sister for one of my ex-colleague who is pretty close to me... me and 3 others sisters planned a 7 levels gate crash thing for the groom and brothers... freaking tiring... i woke up at 4am... and to get the make up up... imagine me drawing with my eyes close... hahaha... and all the way till night when the dinner ends at 11 plus... but seeing her so xin fu really makes me envy... the groom realli impressed me by how well he knows suling jiejie... when asked to taste the coffee tt suling jiejie make... he guess it correctly for all 3 tries... when blindfolded and asked to feel which is suling jie jie's hand out of the 6 hands he touched... he can actually guessed it correctly at the first try... i m truly impressed... and yes, she did.. somehow inspired me to get married.. hahaha... although being the jiemei is super tiring... but i think after this experience.. i can start to plan for belle's one... good luck to belle's future hubby.. hahahaha...

2010-07-13T05:38:00.002-09:30

I M BACK FROM JAKARTA AND BATAM...

These 2 trips were a blast... enjoyed myself totally... the food the culture the relaxation the ppl i m with the ppl i met... EVERYTHING!!!

Jakarta was a business trip. I am amazed by half the things i c there... like how they earn a living (by being self-proclaimed traffic police hoping some drivers will tip them... or by standing at the roadside acting as a passenger to make up for the 3 ppl rule in jakarta main roads).. i visited 4 pharmaceuticals... and my boss was saying tt after this trip, i shud b an expert in pharmaceutical products. HA... not exactly...Some of the pharmaceuticals doesnt sells human medicine ( i mean tt's the first impression that always comes to us ot rather, me). they do sell vacines and bla bla bla for animals too.. :) food is jakarta is good. i will try to post the photos asap on fb. :)

I came back on last saturday, 10 jul 10. and it was a terrible flight back.. yes i m going to say this again.. i m truely shocked tt this happened in SQ flights. i was on 1240 flight back to sin. ETA 215PM SIN time... by 1240pm, gate not even open for boarding yet. so caused the first delay.. we departed at around 1pm.. next, they served food like at 145pm when the flight should touch down at 230pm.. everyone was rushing to finish their food and barely 15 mins after the distibution, they started going ard checking if we were done... and 5 mins after tt, the pilot announced we will be touching down soon... "well planned" i will say... and next, the pilot made another announcement saying that the plane couldnt touch the ground, so we had to make a detour and try landing again. that caused another half an hour delay... "GOOD JOB!!".. so end up... i touched down in SIN airport at 330PM... freaking 330PM... the first thing i did was to head for the washroom and vomit everything out.. thanks to the turbulence... definitely not a good experience... but a good lesson to learn from... always have motion sickness pills with me.. :(

BATAM trip... sweet trip planned by mel to celebrate our soon-to-come anniversary... the room we stayed in was filled with flower petals... everywhere... it formed a nice heart shape on the bed itself... it's BEUATIFUL!!! we had massage and spa... followed by a wonderful candlelight dinner... the atmosphere was pretty good... :) *thumbs up*... live band sang US (only) songs like "yue liang dai biao wo de xin" by theresa deng... and an english song that goes " always on my mind"... dunno what is the song name though... hahaha... it's a short relaxation trip... both of us had plenty of sleep to make up for our busy life... but we totally enjoyed it.. *double thumbs up* to mel for the planning... :D

and now... i m going to slap myself back to reality... ha..

2010-07-03T07:14:00.002-09:30

XIAOPEI IS A HAPPY GIRL TODAY!!!!

I had a waacking session with Elke, Jocelyn and Huimin... it's so so fun... :)

but i'm have to give it a miss next week bcos of the Jakarta trip..

I did some shopping today with isabelle... mainly to prepare myself for the Jakarta trip...

Bought a pair of heels, a wallet, a mango shirt, a blazer jacket, and a bag!!!

woohooo.. realli covering from top to bottom.. *thumbs up*

but the spending also abit "thumbs up" la... i spend like 200++bucks.. hahahaha...

Shopping with belle is ever so relaxing and fun... Pei'er likes!!! more pls....

AND TAN XIAOPEI DROVE HOME TODAY!!!

Wa lao... it's a big big acheivement la...

Mel let me drive his car home... and it's freaking scary bcos his car is not exactly tt small...

and i cant imagine the consequences if i bang his car...

but i managed to safely reach home with tt car... hahaha...

so proud of myself...

THANK YOU DEAR.. :)

ok good night world... xiaopei is looking for to the 2 indonesia trips..

who knows when i come back.. i can speak good malay... :p

2010-06-30T06:36:00.002-09:30

I have some thoughts on my mind... not referring to anyone in particular, not referring to any incident in particular...

I feel that when a relationship starts out, even the smallest things that the couple do together can make both feel happy... that is what we call the honeymoon period...

But when that period is over, all is left is to be slapped back to reality and give it a real thought.. to work things out... and to take the relationship to the next step.. that is when we start to expect... and eventually.. everything just gives way.. even the smallest thing on earth can create a big argument.. but it's these small lil things that make a big impact in the next big step of our life...

it's never easy... but how tough can it get?

it's always tough... but we choose to handle it in a simple way...

it's always communication that matters, but how can we get to the same frequency?

2010-06-28T07:17:00.002-09:30

The past few weeks has been so happening...

A good news... Xiaopei got her driving license... she's gonna be a new driver on the road now... Congrats to her.. Boss says he will be celebrating for me during the Jakarta trip... i'm waiting... hahahaha... he hinted me about doing sales again... smart me know what's going on... he told me today tt he wanted to get me a new phone... and print my namecard within this week.. i managed to stop him in time... telling him we will do an evaluation after the trip... no doubt i m having tt interest again (just a bit only).... but there's so much consideration... and one of them is you... i know u wont have alot of time for me anymore, not like the past... i totally understand and trying my best to accomodate... bcos i believe either one party has to sacrifice.. and if i take this up.. it's not gonna get us anywhere... but at the same time... i am trying hard to keep myself busy.. so that i dun feel empty... and i expect u to understand this...

i am constantly reminding myself of your maggie mee theory... to the extend of using it as my MSN nick... i m trying to hold on to the faith even if it's only one strand of maggie mee left.. to be frank... my faith is not tt strong yet... but i dun wanna give up... esp after tt big fight... i feel good after all the thrash out... i realli do not wan us to end liddat... but i feel.. we drifted apart... i guess ur patience for me is up ... i can feel it... likewise... my expectation is becoming higher... we are both trying.. trying to make things work... trying to improve situations... trying to create a future... it's nvr easy and it will nvr be... alot of times when i feel like giving up... u pulled me back... i thank you for that... seriously... u made me believe that a relationship can work this far... u taught me how to put down the hatred for yongzhi... which i did... but by toking to him now.. not bcos i have forgiven him.. but bcos i respect the fact that he is ur fren...

and ppl... stop asking about yongzhi... i have moved on... doesnt matter how he treated me in the past... dun bring up that hatred... i realli wanna let it fade.. i was a kid then... so was he... our mentality and personality weren't strong enuff to hold things together... but now.. i m a grown up... i dunno if he has grown up since then but in any case... good luck to him if he hasn't... i'm glad i have mel now... bcos he is my pillar of support...

XiaoPei and one strand of Maggie Mee. Loves. :)

2010-06-26T07:34:00.002-09:30

One of my favourite song that has been running in my mind for one whole night:

我能说出一千个一万个理由去爱你

也能找出一千个一万个理由去恨你

it's so meaningful.. :)

we can choose how to love and how to hate...

2010-06-19T06:44:00.000-09:30

你想要的我却不能夠給你我全部

我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的

2010-06-15T06:36:00.001-09:30

我們為愛還在學
學溝通的語言學著諒解
學著不流淚
等到我們學會飛
飛越黑夜和考驗
日子就會從孤單裡畢業

I Gotta Feeling....

2010-06-13T06:03:00.003-09:30

The feeling is back after a long long while... too many arguments... too many disagreements recently... for a moment, i felt very drained out.. very sick of everything when messages doesnt get through the way we wanted it to be... to b frank, almost on the verge of reconsidering or giving up...but today, we had an extreme short meet up... yet.... i felt so loved... once again... back in his arms... i realli miss tt feeling.. thanks for pulling me back.. :)

weekend was pretty interesting... me and belle had a fun time recalling our ex-fav place... CHINATOWN... fri night and sat afternoon... on fri night... we acted as if we were some tourist sitting at an open space hawker eating some local delights like satay, kway teow and pasta... sounds interesting eh? and best is.. the food wasnt even nice... to be exact, it was far from nice... hahaha... but still, yea, we experienced it...we went for foot massage too.. DAMN SHIOK... but tt caused belle belle to have a big bruise on her leg...according to her, as big as a fist size... haha... SAT was fun too... i did my Henna... which i have wanted to long long ago... and we went to have nice desserts... *thumbs up*

2010-06-01T06:51:00.001-09:30

慢慢的这份爱悄悄的住下来
深深的在心里没人看的出来
安静的但却一直都在
是你默默的爱

慢慢的这份爱已经变成依赖
浅浅的笑容里却让我充满期待
不用说我就能够明白
你默默的爱

2010-05-31T07:26:00.002-09:30

Bao'er 's bdae.... i am trying to have all the photos uploaded onto facebook but apparently... most of the time.. it has problems... so onli 1/4 of it has been uploaded so far... anywae.. we had a great lunch at chatterbox... food was good.. service was bad... extremely bad... watched sex & the city 2... 2 crazy women had a great time laughing... esp with what Samantha did... and dinner was at... Miss U cafe... the food there is really fantastic... i like it alot.. *thumbs up*

Thank u bao'er for the green camera... i m really really shocked and surprised and touched... i will bring the camera with me wherever i go.. to take the nicest photos of the world... to take photo when i m unfamiliar with a certain place.. and most imptly... to keep memories of me and my love ones.. :)

oh ya.... wed me and bao'er went to take the BARISTA course.. theory onli... but enuff to amaze us... The trainer, Danny Pang (tt's his name if my memory didnt fail me), is a extreme nice guy.. he uses casual conversation to express his love for coffee.. to educate us how to appreciate coffee... i enjoyed the course... and he realli has nothing to hide but alot of share... i m determine to visit his espressoul cafe. :)

sat was a fun day at the BBQ with mel and cousins and aunties and uncle... sitting by the beach realli calms my mind... but somehow i became emotional... xiaopei needs to relieve alot of stress...

xiaopei feels good to be re-united with jiejie... after the major quarrel... clarification of all issues and thrashing out all thoughts... i m back in her arms... :) and the only ones i m comfortable with crying out loud still remains as my mum, my sis and belle.. to swine.. u need to buck up and stop tt weird expression.. :p

*xiaopei hopes to end each day with a smile.. can she?*

Eventful week

2010-05-23T00:10:00.001-09:30

This week has been a VERY eventful week... My emotions on a roller coaster ride...

Firstly.. On Tuesday I had a realli bad driving lesson and yes I screwed e person in charge... And I was damn pissed about the whole thing to e extend of having the thought to just abandon this whole driving license thing..

On wed.. I think it's to make up for e bad tues.. I realize I received the black card invitation from Osch.. I dunno how but tt mail ended in my junk box and so happened tt I clicked on my junk mails (which I don't usually).. Haha.

And also.. On this very day.. Xiaopei received confirmation to do regional sales.. Going to have her new name card printed and start flying next month.. Haha.. It is finally happening and not plain toking.. *big smile*

I meet 2 customers w my boss.. It's an eye opener bcos of the cust used to b from our competitor brand and we exchanged alot of market info.. Hahaha..

And today sun.. Went for yog audition... Hope I'll get in.. Cross fingers. haha

2010-05-15T07:24:00.003-09:30

IT'S A WEEKEND.. finally... after a long tough week of everything... an emotional week... i m enjoying myself... Seldom that mel is not free on fri... i got my day off.. and decided to spend it meaningfully... hahaha... i went for hei's class... it's FANTASTIC.. :) and met belle for movie (The Back Up Plan)..

"The Back Up Plan" is really an AWESOME movie... love that part where the doctor keep emphasizing... "into her virgina... virgina virgina virgina virgina virgina virgina .. do you get it?? her vagina"... hahaha... it's really damn funny... and some other parts too.. totally worth watching... and helps to destress.. :)

Movie on saturday too.... watched Ironman 2... and frankly speaking... it's not tt fantastic... wasnt expecting anything from it since alot of reviews commented that it is disappointing... not up to standard... not as expected... but it was a lil below my no expectation... hahaha so yea... Had a nice dinner @ Tonkichi... their curry rice and crab croquette is nice... and the nicest is..... THEIR Chawanmushi... i cant explain but it just taste different from other chawanmushi that i have ever had.. :D *thumbs up*

and the night was at The Helix Bridge... yes we were one of those curious Singaporeans that wants to go there and take a look at it... the architecture of the whole thing is really nice... just that it feelsss... abit unstable at some parts of e bridge.. can feel that e bridge is a lil trembling...overall.. nice experience there... and really salute to the ones who made this happen. :) on our way home by cab... we met an extreme rude cab driver... not our cab driver but the cab driving beside our cab... tt rude cab driver was driving wo a passenger on his cab.. and smoking while driving... our cab driver signalled and wanted to change lane and cut into his lane... he honked at our cab driver and gave some rude gesture... and after which... he actually took a bottle of mineral water and just aim it at our cab... i was completely shocked... not bcos of the honk or his rude gesture... but bcos he threw a bottle just bcos our cab driver tried cutting lane... WTH la... it's bcos of this kind of barbarians that brings down the status of our country... BOOOO to that cab driver...

2010-05-13T06:38:00.001-09:30

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

2010-05-11T03:59:00.002-09:30

再坚强的人也会脆弱。。。

Hamburger day

2010-05-08T05:40:00.001-09:30

Today... For e first time in my life.. I ate a burger wo special request... Credit goes to mel... He taught me how to eat tomatoes and I realize it wasn't tt bad afterall.. :) he taught me how to eat veges.. By lying tt it's my fav kang kong when it is actually spinach.. He taught me how to eat brinjals and bittergourd.. I know it's for my own good.. And I thank him for tt... :)

Happy bdae dear

2010-05-06T01:59:00.001-09:30

I think this entry is seriously coming in very very late.. But at least I bother.. Hahaha..

Happy bdae To mel on 30 apr.. It was the swine day with swine cake and a huge card with common words he use.. Plus pressie.. :)

The day was fun spent at Singapore discovery centre.. It's AMAZING how much things they have there!!!! Seriously..

To end tt special day.. We had a heart warming dinner w his family.. :D

For his bdae I ate a total of 3 cakes.. Almost the 4th one but I chose to give it a miss.. Haha.. Xiaopei is scare of cakes now!!!

Self-Disappointment

2010-04-06T01:31:00.001-09:30

I thought... I was ready.. I thought I was strong enuff... I thought it's time to move on and go further than where I m now.. But once and again.. I proved myself wrong... Doing sales is not jus about knowing the products.. Having e technical knowledge.. Cos that's onli 20% of what sales is about.. I learnt that sales.. Is about the way u talk.. How u bring topic.. How u connect e topics.. How u dig info from cust... How u can bring back e objectives of the meeting when cust diverts off.. How u can show the cust tt u r on the upperhand without annoying them?? Not as easy as I thought.. I'm jus so disappointed..

Today I did a presentation... I feel it's totally bad.. So many times tt Terence had to rescue me from tt situation... But he knows I wanna learn.. And he is willing to teach...

Again.. The internal struggle... To stay or to leave...

End the day with sadness.. Start tomorrow afresh...

2010-03-26T07:25:00.001-09:30

It sounds rather dumb to confess to ur boss tt u wanna tender even before the letter was drafted... But well.. It's always wise to give some pre- caution before the actual thing happens... I voiced out... Again.. As expected.. I'm invited for dinner for a heart to heart talk.. I guess tt sounds nicer than describing it confrontation..

My theory still applies.. Feedback given.. No actions to resolve.. Not ur ... Or thinking tt this is part and parcel of life.. It's this kind of workload and pressure and mental stress tt will push u to e next level.. Shut tt crap!!! I'll b e biggest fool if I believe this works...

No doubt nice colleagues.. No doubt good pay.. No doubt good recognition.. Praises everwhere.. But should the pressure of work and these replace my happiness?

And dear unnamed colleague... U need To find back ur BALLS... Woman in disguise.. U chose to b hated.. To b ostracize by others.. U chose ur own path...

Lastly... Happy bdae to chu xian.. :)

人

2010-02-07T06:50:00.002-09:30

人。。偶尔会失去人生的方向。。
人。。忙是为了自己的梦想还是为了不让别人失望。。

i've been down recently... feeling reali down...
i broke down at work on thurs... and tt was a bad time to break down...
i didnt care if it pisses off my boss or what..
but something just triggered me to explode and there i m..
in the toilet cubicle for more than half an hour.. crying to the walls.
i skipped lunch and dinner tt day, without feeling hungry...
talked to mel tt night.. with all my complains.. as usual.. he listened patiently..
he could sense tt i was crying over the phone... but yet again...
i think he knows i dun like ppl to expose me crying..

met him on fri night... over dinner.. we were talking bout some stuffs and somehow we linked back to this topic again.. tears filled my eyes.. but i managed to swallow them back.. bad week...
:'(
he managed to cheer me up a lil by bringing me to arcade (sounds damn ah beng and ah lian, but we r not), and we played the basketball shooting game.. FUN!!! and the spot the difference game.. FUN TOO!!!!

Sat is a busy preparing day... attend a wedding at Raffles Marina Club.. i like the ambience there.. damn nice... :) *thumbs up*... met up with a few of my chinese dance seniors.. like shi yun jie (who jus gave birth), yanping jie (she is stil so sexy as ever).. hongwen and junxiong... many thanks to junxiong for sending me there and sending me home.. cos this place is freaking at TUAS.. just beside the TUAS CHECKPOINT.. faints...

sun is a lazy day.. went shopping with xingan and spent almost 500 bucks in a day shopping buying 3 items.. HAHAHAHAHA... but it is fruitful.. seldom get to splurge this much.. thanks to bonus... not going to thank the company though.. i deserved it... totally... :D

celebrating valentine next week.. can't wait..

Christine Glass - My Love Will Get You Home

If you wander off too far, my love will get you home.
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

If the bright lights blind your eyes, my love will get you home.
If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home.
When there's only you to blame, my love will get you home.
If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home.

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone,
get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home,
boy, my love will get you home, boy, my love will get you home.

2010-01-10T01:48:00.002-09:30

xiaopei had a simple but happy weekend...

i spent my sat going to sabrina's dad wake... and yea.. catch up abit with joyce, dine and meiyi... at the ultimate wrong ocassion... anywaes... i hope sab will be alright.. stay strong.. like how her granny is... all we can do is to be there for her i guess..

meiyi dine and i gave up the japan trip.. but.. but.. we decided to plan a simple trip to taiwan.. AGAIN!!! this time not to dance but to enjoy.. explore every part of taiwan.. from kaosiung to taipei.. mayb in between drop at yilan... i m looking forward to it.. and i m going to put in effort planning this time.. cos it's always them taking care of me.. now i shud start doing something.. hahaha...

i spend my sat night with mel... went to bedok jetti to watch the sunset.. very lomantic hor... hahahaha...it's awesome... but we didnt manage to take any photos of it.. still.. it shall always be remembered... it's really really beauitful... and dinner is great.. simple fried rice cooked by his dajie.. with rojak.. everything tastes so nice.. and finally... down to changi village... to see bapoks... ok e bapoks are scary.. nvr try offending them... HA!!! they way they stare at girls is like.. they will tear you apart any time.. :p

SUNDAY IS A PACKING DAY...
the annual chinese new year is coming... and it's time to "da shao chu" again... last new year i didnt even bother to pack and made mummy damn angry.. so i decided to make up for it this year by starting early.. but of cos.. i didnt manage to clear everything in one day.. but at least.. i got myself started with it.. hahahah...

while packing.. i found alot of nice memories... and i miss my frens and those days...
i found a christmas card from roy dated yr 2007.
i found the notebook from roy dated yr 2008 christmas. (i m still using it)
i found the chistmas tree made from brush from joan.. (christmas yr 08)
i found the a pencil from loren which tagged, "xiaopei the nun", yr 08
i found a card from dingdang wishing me happy bdae, yr 08 (i remembered clearly it came with a bunch of roses and we celebrated e day at a special place.) :) sweet memories..
i found lotsa things from belle... and too many to be name out... ha...
i found the angel handphone keychain from geokmui, a fren whom i used to treasure so much.. to be frank.. at times.. i kinda miss her.. but in replacment of tt.. i think i shud spend more effort missing xingan xian and hui.. hahaha
i found the angel necklace given to me during christmas by my sis, yr08.

many thanks to my frens who went through my life with me this far.. and of cos.. i hope we will remain as frens for as long as we live. :D

2010-01-05T06:27:00.001-09:30

刘畊宏 - 迦南美地

我们在不同的环境下慢慢长大
用着不同的想法看这世界变化
直到我们相遇的那一刹那
心与心的碰触开始为彼此牵挂
浪漫的故事写下了一篇篇情话
虽然动人的情节难免会有分岔
但因这爱的缘故我就不怕
祈祷天上来的祝福充满着希望

不管在哪里只要和你在一起
就像走进了迦南美地
每一处都有甜蜜
布满空气
爱情的真理没有什么能代替

不管在哪里只要和你在一起
就像走进了迦南美地
每一天曾经来临
哦出现你
来不及回忆
又有温馨的爱意
在你我心里

2009-12-20T04:07:00.002-09:30

i read a story about a couple.. who are both striving hard for what they want... and decide to part to strive for what they wan in life.. the same scenario happened to me recently... it has yet to happen but it's gonna happen.. real soon... if i say i m not scare... that's a lie..

he said" it's either gonna make us stronger or break us apart... "

no doubt the choice is ours.. but the fear is still there... as much as i would like to have faith and to hold on... but i dunno what's ahead of us... i dunno if i have the determination.. neither do i know if i can keep him by my side even if i dun have time for him..

he promised he will never give up on me... this is the thing tt reali touched me alot... even if he breaks the promise someday... at least... we tried.. :)

thank you... and.. i love you..

2009-12-19T08:07:00.002-09:30

Recital in over... WOOHOO.. time to rest well.. :)
More energy needs to be channeled to work.. to swiny mel... to darling belle.. to joan and gang... to xingan and gang... and many many more...
Thanks to chong chong chong for the wonderful photos... i reali reali love it... :)

Back from a business from KL.. it's really an eye opener for me... tiring.. of cos.. we slept at like 230am and wake up at 6am everyday... i look like zombie roaming the streets... plus have to drink and entertain.. discuss strategies and conclusion for the day's meeting... but it's reali fun.. worth it... :) good food everyday.. u name it.. i had it... from abalone to shark fin to bird nest to herbal soup... i had it all.. and so sick of it.. after 3 days of such food... hope next year will be a better year in career... hope my boss keeps his words...

Officially HAPPY 5 months anniversary to me and mel... it's so damn fast.. it seems like a yesterday thing.. but unknowingly.. it's 5 months... thank you mel for ALWAYS being there.. be it whether i m sick or healthy.. sad or happy... fat or skinny... hahaha... just wanna say... a BIG THANK YOU... for all the support and encouragement and NAGGINGs... :p i know your worries about next yr.. about what's gonna happen if my boss keeps his words... on my side... i promise i will handle it well. :) still back to that song:
* it's a long long journey... so stay by my side... when i walk through the storm.. you'll be my guide..*
More happiness to come... let's have faith.. :)

2009-12-16T16:08:00.001-09:30

The internal struggle... i cried to sleep.. again..

" if you get there before i do
dun leave upon me
i'll meet you when my chores are through
i dunno how long i'll be
but i'm not gonna let you down
darling wait and see
and between now and then
till i see you again...
i'll be loving you..."

:'(

2009-12-10T05:52:00.002-09:30

*frustration* *anger* *fear* *turning mad*

i... ... dunno what to do with my life... it's so messed up.. everything is so messed up...

i m sick and yet to recover.. and i dunno when i'll recover.. it's so irritating.. not my choice tt i wanna be stress... my work is like this and i dun have a choice.. the only path left is... to leave...
only when i leave.. i wont have migrane.. no gastric flu..

i m no longer happy.. with anything and everything.. nothing pleases me anymore.. nothing...
all i need is some personal space.. alone time.. rest time and think about nothing else but sleep...
hate to do things against my wishes... and sometimes i hate it when i dun even get a chance to choose...

2009-11-22T05:17:00.002-09:30

Dance is conversation... talk to me... (TPDE slogan).. still feel tt it's something very very true..
Dance today is tiring but good... fruitful...was dancing all the way from 11am (exact starting time) all the way till 8pm... ok... there was 1hr 15 mins break in between.. but tt wasnt exactly a break.. cos we went round searching for costumes.. and tt is always the most headache part for a performance.. haiyoyoyoyo.. not much findings in the end though.. boohooo....

I am recovering from sickness... so happy... one more week to bubble tea and ice cream.. lalalalala...

the whole weekend has been busy but i m spending it happily... :)
Met up with mel's fren.. and i had fun.. they r such nice ppl.. really nice... frenly funny crappy (i tink mel is the crappiest)...

weekend is ending.. back to work work work.. and in between.. dance dance dance. :)
and finding time for frens.. esp belle belle..

2009-11-19T00:34:00.002-09:30

Who say onli mondays r blue...
for this week.. tues wed thur r blue for me as well..
and i reckon fri ain't gonna be any better..

Nothing seems right today.. nothing...
from the start of the day till it ends.. nothing went right..
both at work and personal...

2009-11-14T07:34:00.002-09:30

being paranoid... shivering hands when stress .. start panicking over every lil thing... losing appetite for lunch... tt's what i m experiencing now... i stil love my job though.. jus tt i reali feel i need more time.. more hands.. more fingers....

RECITAL... is coming... i feel it. and i reali wanna chiong for dance..not jus for recital but for japan trip too.. hoping to become a better dancer.. tt day when meiyi commented tt she feels tt i have been stagnant for too long.. my whole heart sank... i dun wanna be like this.. i wanna improve tremedously.. i wanna reach the next level.. and now.. recital is coming.. it's not the time to be lazy.. i keep reminding myself not to be lazy.. but given my natural-born lazy swiny character.. there's time tt i bound to be lazy and feel nua (i know mel is laughing with agreement.. cos i m admitting tt i m swine and i m lazy)....

i m trying.. to be better in every aspect... trying to be a better daughter by spending more time with family... trying to be a better girlfren cos i know i m too far from good... trying to be a nicer fren by remembering my frens and remembering to meet up with them once a while.. esp belle.. thousands of apologies to her cos i know i have been neglecting her big time...
*TO WANT TO BE WHAT ONE CAN BE IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE*- Cynthia Ozick
to work towards a better tomolo.. a better future.. a better life...

2009-11-06T07:14:00.002-09:30

there r always ppl who r jus as irritating as can be.. u guys know it best.. know which category u falls into in my list of frens, acquaintance , strangers or enemy... when i dislike someone.. i show... so tt person shud know it well and clear.. and when u know u r irritating enuff to make everyone not like u... instead of doing something to make urself more likeable... u may be doing the OPPOSITE... it's always good to try.. but it's never too good to try TOO hard...while trying to please others or rather... to get tt attention to let ppl know tt u r ard... u tried being funny and well.. it doesnt work.. it jus make ppl dislike u EVEN more... Go away irritating ppl... stay away...

2009-11-05T05:48:00.002-09:30

work has been... busy busy busy busy and busy...
i m happy with my job too.. esp when year end is coming...
bonuses... and.... staff benefits...

my boss reviewed the staff benefit scheme and decided that travel voucher shud be added as part of the staff benefit.. and i got 800 bucks worth of travel voucher.. he fulfilled half of my dream to go japan... so grateful to my boss.. hahaha...

planning in process to meet up with many many frens.. or rather.. next few weeks is kinda full.. hahaha... too many ppl i wanna meet.. too lil time... plus recital training and all..

2009-10-26T06:01:00.002-09:30

A whole new world vs i'll never find another you. :)

2009-10-20T04:50:00.003-09:30

I'll never find another you- The Seekers

There's a new world somewhere
They call The Promised Land
And I'll be there some day
If you will hold my hand
I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know I'll never find another you

There is always someone
For each of us they say
And you'll be my someone
For ever and a day
I could search the whole world over
Until my life is through
But I know I'll never find another you

It's a long, long journey
So stay by my side
When I walk through the storm
You'll be my guide
If they gave me a fortune
My treasure would be small
I could lose it all tomorrow
And never mind at all
But if I should lose your love, dear
I don't know what I'll do
For I know I'll never find another you

Dedicating this to melvyn and belle.. :)

2009-10-11T19:22:00.002-09:30

The bee war in Blk 933 on Sunday night.

The night is as usual as can be... and i was enjoying my dinner while watching president star charity show.. out of no where.. came 2 bees... huge and gigantic bees.. flying ard in the house... me and my sis screaming at the top of our voices and playing hide and seek with them... then mummy decided to rescue us.. at first.. she insisted it's not bees.. jus some big flies (deng er)... but NO... i saw yellow stripes... i m sure i saw it... and she confirmed tt those r bees after a while...

mummy used the broom and slammed against the bees... me and my sis used the insecticide and sprayed at them like insecticides are free... hahahaha.... after getting rid of the 2 bees... came more bees... ard 4 to 5 more... and usual routine.. mummy slammed,we sprayed... in the end... i tink we used up 2 bottle of insecticides... hahahaha... we conclude there must be a bee hive somewhere but we dunno where..so... we close all doors and windows for the whole night...

and this morning i found out tt we were not the only household tt kena this bee war thing... as i walked down the stairs this morning.. there were more than 20 bees along the stairs... most dead.. some struggling to survive... so gross la... i can feel my hair standing as i walked past those dead bees... arrrrggghhhh...

and i hope i will have a peaceful night tonight with no bees in my house... :(

2009-10-08T15:18:00.003-09:30

A interesting email that i received....

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio "To celebrate growing older,

"I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolls over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it..
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone, everyth ing.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36.. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

2009-10-01T07:01:00.002-09:30

i think this is gonna be the longest post in my blog life ever... and in this post.. i reali got alot of things to jot down.. to keep it as lifetime memories...

firstly... the short but fun msia trip.. 2 nights in PENANG... 1 night in KL.. and 1 night in GENTING... and back to reality...
In Penang day 1.. we scroll down the streets trying to act like some locals but obviously tt wont work out bcos we r holding a big map in our hand.. and yes.. it realli did not work out.. we were almost kidnapped and being sold away to india or bangladesh.. haha.. we encountered some white indians who acted like police in their own car.. wearing home clothes and surfer berms.. trying to show some pass with jus one photo on the card..and keep it away the next moment... demanded us to declare whether we were local and whether we know how to speak malay... duhz... and the next thing we know.. they were checking our bags and wallets... assholes.. but we manage to escape this whole drama in the end.. cos one local uncle saved us.. and the uncle is seriously cute... in some ways.. hahaha... we went back to hotel to calm ourselves down and do serious planning.. check out some places with friendly hotel staffs.. GOPI and AZIZUN... and finally night time we settled down at gurney plaza... do a lil shopping and SEAFOOD DINNER... the next day.. we went to places like TOY MUSEUM (stated as the world largest.. not sure if it is true).. BUTTERFLY FARM and TROPICAL FRUIT FARM... the uncle at e fruit farm suggested acerola mix pineapple juice.. and pink guava mix pineapple.. it tasted realli nice.. :) dinner at roadside... local delights.. and yes... MUST mention.. COCONUT JELLY.. fantastic..
KL trip.. pretty simple.. jus shopping and shopping..FOS is realli a good shop...dinner at kenny rogers @ RM15.90... WOOHOOO... good deal... krispy kreme donuts... and ice cream!!
Genting... basically jus theme park where we had lotsa fun... screaming our lungs out while taking the rides...

my partners for the trip.. mel (shao ye cum boy slave)and belle ... they have been realli realli nice... mel reali took good care of us during the trip. and nag like uncle " have u girls blown ur hair dry? " and if our ans is "no".. he will say... "it's not healthy u know.. if u sleep with wet hair.. u wil get headache" and continue nagging till our hair is dry.. tsk tsk.. he carried most of our stuffs.. finding directions.. ensuring we r safe... i jus feel so safe with him.. cos i dun need to use any brain cells at all.. ha... and belle is always there to side me when bully evilness surfaces.. thanks babe... muacks to u..

next up... MY 22ND BDAE.... thanks mel for everything... i know he realli spent alot alot alot alot alot of time planning.. i c his effort.. reali.. i was blind folded 1/2 of the time... bcos all places we went suppose to be a surprise.. no clue.. no nothing..
surprise 1: we went haw par villa... i know this is random.. but i have been wanting to go there since last yr... to find back my childhood memory and i jus couldnt find time and couldnt figure out where it is.. and ta dang.. i was there on my bdae.. *big smile*
surprise 2: i was in a pool.. no joke.. he reali brought me to singapore yacht club.. carried me up and next thing i know.. i was sitting in a baby pool.. thanks mel the bully... *cheeky & revengeful smile* haha...
surprise 3: i was being blind-folded again till we reach vivo cinema... and yes.. we watched the FAME show... i have been saying tt i wanna watch tt since months ago... and he made it happen.. *satisfied smile*
surprise 4: ok.. this is realli funny... i walked realli far.. still being blind-folded... and i ended up in a restaurant... saw belle boonbing and rong ard me... i was like hmmmzzz... reali reali surprised..bb took lotsa photos for us.. thanks bb... thanks belle for the bunch of flowers and the book.. i have been reading it for so many times but i m still loving it.. thanks bb serene jr lynette for the pressie ( a green wallet and green pouch).. thanks bb for buying the cake.. thanks all for taking the time out to have this dinner with me.. and thanks mel... for the big big picture with lotsa photos and memories in it.. and the surprise shoes he secretly bought for me in msia...

*special dedication to mel*
thanks for everything.. reali reali very touching... i know u spent alot of effort planning.. i can reali feel it.. :D e places i wanna go.. the things i wanna do... u make it all happen in one day... tt special day... and u wrote in the card... u hope tt tt pair of shoes will be the journey that i m going to walk with u.. and i wanna tell u... i reali reali wan to walk this long jouney with u... our hands will clap... :)
(sister weilin say ur card stil lost to hers.. cos when i left global airfreight.. she gave me a card too.. and i cried on the spot after reading it.. but i didnt cry when i read urs.. but urs is reali touching.. tsk tsk.. cannot give too much details of the card here.. cos it's my secret.. :p)

*off to bed.. good night*

2009-09-20T18:13:00.003-09:30

18-Sep-2009
Thank you Samuel (my boss) for being the first to celebrate my bdae for me... fantastic lunch at T3 swensens.. where 2 ppl ate 100++ dollars.. imagine the how much food we ate... hahaha..

19-Sep-2009
HAPPY 21st bdae to LORENCIA.. thanks for the invitation to the party.. i had lotsa fun catching with long lost frens like amanda... hahaha... and things turned out much better than what i tout it would be... thanks to those that made it happened.. :)

20-Sep-2009
Thank you sec sch frens for celebrating my bdae... thanks xian for organising the whole thing and almost vomit blood bcos everyone's schedule is so hard to compromise.. hahaha... thank you xingan for reserving the dinner place at brewerks.. awesome dinner... but hui missed it... thanks all for the bdae pressie... i love it to the max.... i will put in extra effort to translate the chinese words into english.. wahahahaha...
21-Sep-2009
i m going to sit on the hippo festival tour tonight (acting as a tourist).. covering 3 festivals.. hari raya puasa deepavali and mid-autumn festival.. the lights up and the story behind it is so so so cool.... i know exactly how cool it is cos i m gonna be the one tt conduct the tour in oct... :)

2009-09-14T20:05:00.002-09:30

On leave on leave on leave... i m going on my long leave very very soon... woohoo... and this month is passing real fast.... and i tink next month is gonna past fast too.. :)

Festivals coming.... ducktour is conducting a 3 festivals light up tour.... i.e. hari raya.. deepavali.. and mooncake festival.... woohooo... it's gonna be real fun... bring ur family and frens for the tour... :)

heehee... my bdae is coming... but it's no big deal.. bcos bird dae happens every yr... this yr i promise xian and xingan i wont send aeroplane... cos they planned the celebration for me oreadi... but it clashes with suntec dance.. boohoo...

happy bdae to all september babies:
-Lorencia
- Rinna
- Beloved mummy
- Mel's sis
- monkey david
- and ME!!!
if i happen to miss out anyone.. pls dun blame me for being boxim... jus blame me for having bad memory.. hahahaha

2009-09-10T06:35:00.005-09:30

it's a bad day at work.. a real real bad day.. it spoils my mood so much tt i dun even feel like going for dance or to even open my mouth and tok.. an an was commenting tt i'm weird today bcos i seldom stand one corner and dun tok or laugh loudly... and she realize i was in bad mood.. and of cos.. as usual.. dance did help to make my mood a bit better... and the bully was there to have dinner with me.. and tt helps to make my mood even better.. bcos without him.. i will have a lonely sad dinner by myself..

i will b back to my original self tomorrow.. i'm promising myself... to be back to normal... alone time is needed... but i dun where to start my thoughts........... do anyone know where i shud start?

2009-09-07T00:00:00.000-09:30

much as i would like to start off with a good week... things doesnt seems to fall in place.. or rather.. the way i wan it to be...

too much effort on others' thinking.. too much effort on compromising to what ppl expect of me.. too much effort on trying to accomodate to everyone's feeling, needs and expectations... too much of everything...

too lil effort spend on my own thinking... too lil effort spent on how i feel or how i wanna feel.. and like beautrice says.. too lil "alone time" for myself... which is so true... when was the last time i was left alone to sort out my thinking? beau also say i should sit down and re-organise my schedule.. my whole life schedule... i tink i should too... i feel like putting down everything ard me and tink tink tink.. tink hard about what went wrong.. what i wan... what is needed and not needed in my life... i need to tok to the sea.. listen to the gentle waves...

i told geraldine bout all my problems.. my concerns.. my stress.. my everything.. she replied me... "based on the xiaopei i know.. she can overcome everything"... yes i know i can.. but i m very very tired...

everytime when i m on the verge of exploding.. belle and mel is always there to calm the waves down... i will say belle understands it better.. but i know mel is putting in his best effort (by doing silly things that makes me roll my eyes)... *roll eyes is a form of respect* hahahahaha...

i will be well and up again.. back to the crazy gal tt i m.. but jus when.... time time time is needed.. needed badly...

i wan to tok to the sea...

2009-08-31T17:20:00.000-09:30

September is a leave month... out of the 13 days of leave.. i m clearing 8 days... haha..

02 sep to 03 sep- to attend funeral in malaysia (which i might not be able to make it)
15 sep- bro going NS (big deal)
23 to 27 sep- GETAWAY HOLIDAY WITH MEL AND ISABELLE and mayb the up-boy (boon bing)..
30 SEP: BIRD DAY BIRD DAY

haha... my passport is giving me so many problems.. can i throw it away... and the customer service girl at ICA.. is super unfriendly and rude... when she picked up the phone.. she greet me with "Yes?"... wtf...

2009-08-26T15:33:00.000-09:30

Woohooo.. xiaopei is going to bangkok(bang cocks)... i m so so excited about it... hope everything goes smoothly... :)

Met up with xian and xingan last night and it's feel good catching up with them... and i guess xingan made e whole prata session a happy one.. thanks to her jokess...

new office layout is making me feel more comfortable.. at least my new office table looks like something tt humans will use.. the previous one.. ermz...no words can descrive it...but my new seat is making me feel cold 90% of the time... when i on the aircon to about 25degree.. someone will eventually secretly jus go and adjust it to like 23degree or lower... thinking that i wont notice it... so irritating...

and randomly... i like this song.. "all about us":
It's all about us (all about us)
It's all about (all about us)
All about us
That's a theme that they can't touch
'Cause you know what
It's all about us (all about us)
It's all about (all about us)
All about us
Run away if we must
'Cause you know what
It's all about us (it's all about us)
It's all about lies (it's all about us)
You the one I can trust (it's all about us)
It's all about us

IT'S ALL ABOUT US....

2009-08-21T00:15:00.000-09:30

It's a friday... out of the 5 days this week... i only worked 2 days... considered lucky? i dun tink so... monday.. company stil under reno... i was in office, in a super sick state.. and email was down bcos electrician and the IT guy have not fixed it up.. so wasted whole day in office... and then... tues and wed on mc... booooooo....

and thurs back in office... 92 emails or more loading... i was like shitttt.....

i dun wanna imagine how things will be like when i m on one week leave next month... my nightmare... :(

2009-08-05T15:30:00.003-09:30

xiaopei misses her friends.... esp those that she haven been catching up with them for the longest time ever...

where is xingan,jiahui and chuxian... the last time we met was? xingan's bdae in may?

where is shuhui, auntie janet and auntie sock hoon... i m not going to ask about weiling sister cos i m seeing her every monday.. hahaha

where is yongliang... the pianist boy (he have been wanting to meet me la. haha.. but i need to find time)..

where is amy.. yes... amy.. arent we suppose to meet up with jas kee, jas seah and xinhui?

where is.........ler ler....

and where m i heading towards now... a messy life...

2009-08-03T23:52:00.002-09:30

New month. New Updates.

Too many things have been happening for the past month... new colleagues coming in..old colleagues going off... i have lotsa complains.... about my work load and stuffs... but i wanna thank ppl ard for lending me their ears... ppl like belle and the best bf ever (i know he will confirm agree tt he is)... melvyn martin choong.. haha...

this month will be better... and next month.. even better...
xiaopei wants to take leave !!!!
sa yo na ra to work... :)

2009-07-05T20:09:00.001-09:30

xiaopei thinks she have got more then 50 bucks worth of coin in her office's piggy bank... filling up fast.. :)

2009-07-03T00:41:00.005-09:30

She remembers every word that i said... about good frens cant work together... i m seriously touched... and i treasure u as much too.. in case u dun feel it.. hahaha..

schedule getting more and more pack... meaning i m leading my life more and more meaningfully...gambatte...

jap trip!!!! seems far but getting closer.. hey hey hey.... HERE I COME.. JAPANNNNNNN..... :)

2009-05-31T07:26:00.003-09:30

work is getting more and more complicated... y do i have to take on the shipping department job... kinda regret it now... esp dealing with him.. the unbalance and full of jealousy idiot.. and with the americans... who LOVES arrowing and shooting ppl down. dun they have better things to do? or do they feel tt these politics games helps to spice up their life?

worked at ducktour for the NTUC income family day on sat (28 may)... and i guess i gained quite alot of experiences from there? like getting paid 80 bucks from 815am to 6pm... and with tainers (although they r my good frens in ducktour) slacking and hiding at padang where the buses park and leave the few of us there to die.. doing so many consecutive trips... and meeting a monster juon... claiming to be the ops manager when he doesnt even know tt for tt event what is the bus route... where r we passing by... hahahahahahahahaha....

june is here... i m looking forward to THE BIG GROOVE and WCO and the concert... woohoooooo.... everything is gonna be real good.. :D

june is gonna be a real busy month.. with the TP starting their training.. plus e TBG... but still.. it is gonna be a very meaningful month...

When the world turns against you...

2009-05-20T05:48:00.004-09:30

i stepped into the office as usual at 8:10 in the morning... everything looks normal... but yet abnormal... she is no longer there... the room is empty... the drama of yesterday ended...

she was being terminated and in a way forced to resign... and to pack her things and handover with immediate effect... being stuck in a "dunno-how-to-react" situation, everyone try to look as calm as can be... though we heard the weeping sobbing sound and all.. at tt point when she bidded us goodbye... the puffy face was stil kinda obvious... and the interesting part only comes after she left...

while doing her handover... she conveniently sent a compo email to the USA parent company... woohoo... and bitch about all she can inside... accusing of my boss abusing his authority as a director... and the best part if how she bitches about me when i know nuts about it.. she said something along this line.. "samuel (my boss) is overpaying a staff much higher than her expected salary... at least by a few hundred singapore dollars... he is trying to cut my cost and spend it on her... reason is bcos she is close to him"...

WTF was that.... and what is with all the CROCODILE tears after doing such a shameless thing... oh come on... analyse and think about it.. if i m not close to my boss... who should i be close to... her? someone who betrayed the company? i mean everyone will choose not to go against their bosses if possible right? and i m being paid higher than my expected salary... yes it is true... but it's justifiable.. the amt of work i m doing... the amt of responsibility that i m holding on.. which part of it doesnt make any farking sense...

i m angry... angry why she did this to me... and i feel sad... bcos my boss chose not to let me know... the above story.. the part about me... was being told to me by someone else.. not my boss... my boss is trying so hard not to make me stress... and take all these nonsense himself.. right now.. i wont be surprise if the USA ppl r hunting me down... checking on who i m.. my job scope... my bla bla bla...

i m tired... get me out...
wake me up.. wake me up inside...
my world is black....

2009-05-17T23:55:00.003-09:30

Life has been busy busy busy.... like a bumble bee...
much as i would like to catch up with my frens, i have no time too...
and this is definitely not an excuse... i m realli trying my best.
and i realize some of my frens have changed recently.. or mayb too long nvr update myself about their life... but well.. since i know... they have changed... they shall just be the history... i'm moving on...

tpde dance is gonna be back real soon... i cant wait to go back and dance in same class as foong'er... na na rinna tay and beautrice.... and many more i heard in the same class.... haha.. and back to modern too... back to ryan's class.... i got a feeling it's not gonna be easy... but i will try.. :)

have been meeting up with melvyn quite often recently... dunno is it bcos too many events... like bb's sis wedding and then his 21st surprise bdae party and all... but yea... e timing is so jus right tt we practically meet up every week... ha... and if belle happens to read this.. she shouldnt be jealous bcos i m meeting her every tues too... we bitch in sewing class... haha...

WELCOME BACK TO SIN ELKE... i miss u so so much... and ur er-hum... hahahahaha.... after half a yr... my first reggae class with u...

to those upcoming bdae's this month... HAPPY BDAE..
HAPPY DBAE to ROY THE TOY BOY on 19th MAY
HAPPY BDAE to my duckie sister THOMAS on 21st MAY.. 'mic test... 123... can everyone hear me...' ha... so cheesy la...
HAPPY BDAE to XINGAN on 25th MAY....

2009-05-04T05:35:00.001-09:30

her reggae is damn damn dope....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpx9xyd6_w4&feature=channel_page

2009-03-27T05:43:00.002-09:30

Another month has past... real fast.. i'm currently in the third lesson of my dressmaking class... it's darn cool...

i'm going on and on... i m living my life happily.. although..... there's alot of hiccups recently.. esp in my company.. but i anticipate thing will get better in a day or two time.. when the final decision is being announced.. or mayb by then.. tt is when the real battle starts kicking.. ha...

2009-03-02T05:55:00.003-09:30

i made a major decision in my life... mayb one of the real biggest decision... i dunno if it's gonnabe a right choice... but i'll never know till i try... i decided to give up dance.. not totally. but no more commitment.. not at all.. i know if i break this news to most of my frens.. they wouldnt have any major or shocking reaction... but for brandon.. i m not sure... i remember i told him before.. dance is my everything.. but apparently.. i feel tt i need to move on now.. to the next phase of my life...

2009-02-22T06:22:00.002-09:30

recently, i attended one of my dance frens, weiqi's 21st bird-dae party... another themed party.. and the theme is SAILOR... dress code colours are white red and blue.. most abide to the colour theme.. but not having all 3 colours on them.. and i'm one of the very few who believed in this kinda party and reali had all 3 colours on me.. i feel kinda silly now.. ha.. but well.. it's all about the fun...

as usual.. party is like a buffet thing.. and then frens sitting ard chatting.. and of cos.. we r one of those typical ppl.. but the topic we happened to be at.. doesnt sounds too right for the event.. HAHA.. we were talking bout those gruesome stuffs.. like those serial killers... and all..

and ppl that were there...
an an... xuehui... sabrina... jocelyn... ian... and me...

tt's all for now... :)

i love isabelle...

2009-02-10T14:56:00.001-09:30

Neon Balloons.. Temasek Temasek Microsoft... timbre... Happy bdae Benji.. Happy bdae JOAN!

2009-02-05T07:13:00.003-09:30

Best Frens....

I miss u...

2009-02-01T03:18:00.002-09:30

It's sprt of like a special dedication to my best fren belle...

for the first time ever... we spent our weekends tog... both sat and sun... it's awesome....

on sat... we went to watch a chinese play tog... at esplanade... it's a good show i would say.. the best thing is.. it is a chinese play... a BIG improvement for belle.. and the show lasted well until towards the end.. when i realise one of the actors on stage is zheng yuan chang... one of the taiwan pop drama actor.. and as expected... at the end of the show.. the fanssss thing came out.. i was like.. oh well.. anywae.. it's not about the show.. it's about the time tt frens spent tog...

on sun.. a simple sun... we went to watch movie.. and it's a movie tt suits best frens watching.. the bride wars... it's about these two girls who have been best frens since young... and they dream to get married at the same exact place... and be each other's maid of honour (bridesmaid)... but it so happened tt both of them were going to get married on the same day and the war started.. doing nasty things to each other and all... jus to make their own wedding a successful one and to destroy the other's one... and in the end... they stil end up happily tog as frens.. i told belle i hope this wont happen to us.. but of cos.. i wil wan her to be my fren forever...

the upcoming valentine's day... :) loves...

2008-12-13T07:48:00.003-09:30

woohooo.. today is a real nice day... except the rain tt spoils a portion my my lil india trip.. task completed and xiaopei is happy.. and i spent almost 50 bucks shoppong in lil india.. imagine how much stuffs i bought... but once in a while then head to there what.. so it pretty worth it to buy more... hahaha..

FBODz concert is pretty good.. close to perfect... and of cos it does motivate me a lil to look forward to TPDE dance camp.. muahaha... i totally feel tt "sai" is dope... the cartoon walk... i tink it's like a so unforgettable move.. hahaha... and rachel the idol.. her whacking is........... DOPE DOPE DOPE...

and of cos dinner with tpde ppl... i feel like i m back in tpde.. haven had tt feel for the longest time ever... and usual.. we crap and laugh the night through....

and of cos here comes the most impt part.. (though i know he will never get to read this)..
thank U for sending me home.. and the free tour ard east area... haha... and i hope u did find ur way back to AMK... and HAPPY BDAE to u... :)

2008-12-09T06:46:00.002-09:30

This is going to be a long long blog post because there is an event so worth remembering and tt is RECITAL CONCERT 2008.

I had so much fun this year, esp with the hiphop team..hey hey hater... "hey hey hater.. dun hide i see u hater" i feel the sense of belonging.. the unity of the team.. A million thanks to Daniel Weeter Schizo Niger Samuel Kenny Ian Brendan PY Junwei elke dine weiqi huimin jocelyn shantelle sabrina janice..

and not forgetting my reggae peeps.. thanks eunice meiyi.. u guys were reali great.. BIG BIG LOVES.."song be a party.. song be a party... here we go now.. here we go now"

Not forgetting my supporters of the night, making me being named the garden girl..
Thanks dajie and frens, isabelley, dingdang and frens, riche and secret gf, my dearest cousins, not forgetting my pornstars clique and lastly my long lost "sister", ms tan huan yang...

Congrats geraldine for being the most loyal supporter of osch.. congrats raaz e emomo lover for winning best dancer award.. salute to the 2 professional dancers who knock into each other.. one with broken tooth and the other bleeding forehead...

i reali miss the performers alot alot.. alot.... alot.......... alot.................

2008-12-03T15:22:00.002-09:30

have been reading some of the blogs recently..
and realise i have been missing out alot...
and yes..those in a relationship.. always has sweet lovey dovey things to write..
i miss it all.. and i realise..
i did not manage to let him go..
even after this long while.. but definitely.. i m not waiting..
i jus have the fear.. to start another.. always having this nightmare in my memory..

have been real real busy recently.. with recital.. with work.. with christmas tour and all..
for all the frens i have neglected.. my sincere apologies..
i promise i will do something about it..
to loren.. hope everything is fine for u...
thanks a million for ur encouragement.. asking me to do u proud during recital..
i miss u guys.. i miss joan...

how will i spend this coming christmas?
is it gonna be as lonely as can be?

2008-12-02T21:53:00.002-09:30

Season of the year: September...October...November...December...
CUCUMBER...APPLE..CRUMBLE..
oppps(not included in calendar)....

2008-12-01T07:12:00.002-09:30

Once again, i managed to escape tt critical moment. i know i wont be tt lucky everytime though.. :)

2008-11-27T23:42:00.002-09:30

Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky...
What is tt "diamond" tt i'm trying to reach for???

2008-11-25T18:31:00.001-09:30

the miracle that u r wishing for is not going to happen.. a big hint...

2008-10-28T06:29:00.005-09:30

i know i haven been updating my blog for the longest time ever but here i m.. updating my current affairs...

one month back i left Korea tourism organization bcos i wan back my pride and dignity... boot-licking is definitely not my forte and NO WAY i m going to follow suit... so yea... tt ends my journey there..

right now... here i m.. at the Singapore Duck and Hippo Tour... as a tour presenter and i m pretty happy with my job here... getting to know all the different kinds of people.. meeting everyone from all over the world.. it's fun and interesting with all the nice captains around...

and yes during the break times we will start discussing bout how we do our tours and the jokes tt we made... and of cos.. some of the jokes.. it's reali lame.. for example... why do the merlion splashes out water... reason is bcos... the esplanade durian is too smelly (merlion is located somewhere besides tt durian)...i know tt's cold but apparently... this joke never fails to crack the tourists up.. but the actual fact is merlion splashes water bcos water means wealth and good fortune...

ok i will share more in future to come.. and yes...the end of my blog story...

2008-08-05T04:56:00.004-09:30

i realized... i was never happy... never true.. everything accumulated and i feel so heavy..no wish of talking bout anything simply cos i know no one will be interested of concern too.. the limelight is on anyone else but me.. same issue... different reaction on diff ppl..

the world changes every second.. leaving human character to turn ugly every single as we moves on with time.. how scary..

the unbalance.. the uneven.. the hatred... the me...
i m seldom so emo.. but this time.. i m deeply affected.. but who knows...

2008-08-02T05:43:00.004-09:30

yay!!! today's an interesting day... thus.. worth updating the blog.. haha...

firstly, i missed reggae class today bcos everyone is telling me tt suntec dance starts at 2pm... and i reali believe.. and i reali wanted to show my support for TPDE ppl.. and thus.. i decided to give reggae a miss.. although it's like a collaboration class tt an an & xuehui conducted... arrrgghhh...and yes.. suntec dance did start at 2pm.. but for junior solo category.. i feel like slapping myself for being so dumb.. anywae.. all the 3 tp teams went into the heats for next week... so yea.. stay tuned... :)

TODAY AFTER THE SUNTEC DANCE, I HAVE AN IDOL.. HIS NAME IS CALL TYRON(don exactly know how it suppose to be spell but yea.. something liddat).. HAHA.. HE ROCKS.. I LOVE HIS GROOVE TOTALLY.. HE IS DOPE DOPE DOPE....i reali admire him alot.. if i got a chance someday... i hope i will get to talk to him.. heehehehheeee.. :)

and yes.. not to forget mentioning nic sim.. i tink he did quite well.. and yes.. he lied to me saying he is not joining.. he better do better the next round.. if not i'll prepare egg to throw at him.. wahahaha...jiayou jiayou..

and yes.. steamboat today with the pornstars.. we haven been meeting for the longest time ever.. but we had dinner tog today.. although onli half of the pornstars turned up.. meiqi roy and carryn didnt went.. :( but stil.. it's a happy nice and simple dinner...

that's all for today... it's a happy day.. :)
must mention again.. my idol!!!!!

2008-07-25T07:36:00.002-09:30

THE WEED VS. THE CACTUS.. haha..

Loren, i m very proud of u.. all the best for tomolo and i hope u can reali do well.. i believe in u.. cos u have always been great.. jiayou... :)

2008-07-21T19:11:00.004-09:30

i happen to have an ex-netball junior working in my company currently. she jus told me tt it's Junyuan sec sch 10th anniversary.. time flies... when i entered the school at the age of 13.. it was only 2 years old. and i was the second batch of monkeys inside.. i feel so old.. even a new school like junyuan has existed for ten years... xian, ping, hui.. we r OLD!!!!

2008-07-16T16:18:00.002-09:30

GOOD LUCK TO PEOPLE WHO ARE PERFORMING FOR DREAMSSSSSS....

i will be there to watch.. though i decided not to perform.. it was a tough decision but stil.. i need to conclude it this way.. :(

thoughts have been running in my mind recently.. kinda depressed over alot of things.. but of cos.. i m stil the cheerful me.. there's always a period of time when we need to sit down and sort out everything.. just everything in life.. i guess tt's what i'm going through right now..

IT'S A SUNNY YELLOW BANANA DAY!!!!

2008-07-01T06:32:00.002-09:30

To: Ler Ler(part time bf)
Pls get well and get ur ass out of the hospital soon alright. Hope to c u hopping and jumping ard happily again. And yes.. study hard when u start school k..

To: Loren, pornstar
I know that u r a strong girl. but still.. hope tt u have recovered and continue living with your life happily.

To: humans
I have tendered my resignation.. and counting down to be jobless soon.. though i hope i can find a job before tt.. wish me luck ppl.. i need support and a positive mindset.

I LOVE THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE ARD ME. I LOVE U GUYS JUS LIKE HOW BABOONS LOVE THEIR ASSES.. :)HA!!!

2008-06-24T00:12:00.001-09:30

" VISION WITHOUT ACTION IS JUST A DREAM"

"ACTION WITHOUT A VISION IS JUS A PASSING TIME"

"VISION WITH ACTION CAN CHANGE THE WORLD"

2008-06-20T07:56:00.001-09:30

This phrase caught my eyes when i watched the show "Sex & the city"

"Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours"

2008-06-19T03:07:00.002-09:30

for all my lovely blog fans... yes.. i updated my blog again...

still have reali got over the death of clifton.. remembering the times when we always liase.. the times when he never failed to come and support dance ensemble whenever there's concert or comps.. he will always always stay in our hearts.. no matter where he is.. i guess no words can express my gratitude to him.. me and yang went for the cremation.. and yes.. expected tt the both of us cried like hell mad.. the tp school song was sung by everyone when we pay him the last respect.. his mummy broke down terribly too.. i tink everyone is so upset over his death..

it wasnt reali a good idea to catch up with old frens there.. but yea.. indeed.. i saw some old long lost fren.. esp someone tt i miss alot.. CHEW JEE KENG.. he's also from HTM so quite expected there... but stil.. never expect to bump into him again.. after like YEARS of disappearing.. wonder if he still had the same dream as last time.. used to tink tt he's naive..but he's someone who determination is worth saluting..

i m hoping to qute my job SOON... like asap... and flee to wherever tt takes me.. so if anyone out there has any nice jobs to recommend.. i m more than willing to try.. cant wait to get out of this sick politics place which is full of stunts.. FULL OF STUNTS... sometimes working there.. jus feel like going to some of the irritating ones there and scold them knnccb... not as if i dun dare.. but i hate to be nasty.. and i hope tt day tt i do this wont come..

2008-06-12T04:48:00.002-09:30

down and affected.. The news reported tt a NS man collapsed during training in Brunei.. Clifton.. one of my frens.. not a very close one.. but i dun deny he reali helped me alot along the way when i was doing dance events and all.. a reali great and friendly TPSU leader.. my salutes to you..i m deeply affected.. the last thing to ever tout of losing a fren jus liddat.. it came to sudden.. i wasnt prepared to accept it.. when raaz told me bout it.. i dunno how i shud react.. how i shud deal with it..

i was right.. about my opinion of NS.. i had a bad experience with it.. and now.. came another one.. i reali hope tt none of this will happen again.. i wanna peace and safety for everyone ard me..

i saw one of my sec sch fren today.. she've got a bf now.. i m stunned.. was expecting her to find a bf so fast given her... erm.. abit boyish character.. and here i m.. still struggling to find my mr right. i wanna start afresh.. but i tink it takes alot of courage.. but i m still holding on to the faith tt someday.. tt someone will come..

2008-06-05T05:51:00.002-09:30

seems like it's a monthly thing to update blog.. only when the moods comes.. anywae i doubt anyone will ever reads it.. haha...

humans tends to get emotional and end up getting themselves into trouble by offending ppl.. even impt ones ard them.. how many can actually calm down and think of what's coming next or how to resolve the situation? isnt this much more practical than screaming like a lion?

life is ever changing.. history is coming back.. once again... i believe i can make it thru.. with great skills and determination.. the key word is.. move on and never look back..

TBG this sun.. yeeeeehaaaaa... WCO is back again... though not performing this year but glad i got my chance last year.. i'll be an audience this year... SHOHEI!!!!!.. he's DOPE~~~~

2008-05-18T06:17:00.003-09:30

Being able to dance.. it's already a given gift.. to make full use of it.. definitely depends on individual.. some dance for recreation purposes.. some puts in more effort and expectation in themselves.. hoping to be a somebody someday.. a somebody doesnt mean winning in every aspect.. but at least.. to he/her own expectation..

Surviving in an island which has certain amount of resources.. involved in another tp production.. and not sure if it is gonna be the last.. no one knows when will be the last.. when to leave.. and move on.. thinking back.. i used to give up dance for everything.. if given a choice now.. i will choose to balance it out.. and not lose other important aspects of life.. anywae.. yes.. i m looking forward to the production..

Dance: A poem of which every movement is a word...

2008-05-14T05:04:00.002-09:30

XIAOPEI IS BACK FROM TAIWAN..

Yay!!! haha... taiwan is a fun trip.. i am sure... i hope the dancers will all get a chance to go in future... i reali learnt alot alot bout their style.. it's so diff from SIN.. and they emphasize alot of techniques and groove.. it has reali pushed me to another level where i m motivated to work and be like them... All The Way to go.. haha...

for the longest time ever... i decided to take part in another tp production.. i miss the tp dancers and yes.. i saw alot of new faces.. new dancers.. and they enthusiasm towards dance... like charlotte say before.. great dancers are not good because of their techniques.. they r good because of their passion..

and yes.. DANCE ROCKS!!!
ROCKING ON..
AND ON...
AND ON..
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2008-03-21T06:36:00.003-09:30

hey hey.. very very long time since i never update oreadi...

concert jus over.. i miss dancing.. despite all the politics of the world.. the concert happened with everyone's effort... as usual... lots of joy and laughter.. but there's tears and sorrows too.. thanks to the ppl who came to watch... too many to mention but u know ur existence makes a diff in my performance.. cos u guys truely motivated me in every single way.. thanks for the lovely flowers from ryan& gin, yong zhi,boonbing and felix on fri, and flowers from jie jie, lerler, and my isabelley darling... and erm... dan's fren... with a full box of roses, folded by himself.. i got all the flowers photos taken down but i m jus lazy to post.. no worries ppl.. it'll always be in my memories..

anywae.. joan has been talking to xyz online.. i duno reali know what's going now.. but i know joan meant welll... is the past going to come back.. or m i going to look ahead.. and move on... my heart sank when he intrude in again.. i feel like rejecting but my feelings stopped me.. i totally understand how this after effect of a relationship feels now.. it's the stubborness in one tt makes one always staying the loop and never be able to get out of it..