Friday, June 02, 2006
Introduction wen u dun understand anything.. dun try to sound as if u understand me...
Scenarioi requested today to take term test paper half and hour earlier than others so tt i can go off for my performance... and the school dun approve... i dun c wat's the farking prob..it's not like it's gonna affect anybody or a big matter in hand... it's not... i believe u lecturers have more impt things to do... n e reason y it was being rejected it's bcos they tink my result not veri good... shld focus on studies and DUN do the performance.. got link meh? it's like taking it half an hour b4 ppl onli wat.. will affect my result? in wat way... tell me pls.. and if they dun approve will affect me even more.. cos i'll b so panicky... seriously man...dunno wat they tinking... think they mistaken their ass as their brains... tt's y cant tink...
small matter --> big matter
a small matter then becomes a big matter.. the director of cca club has to speak to the director of my IT school... and the make a deal with each other... if director of IT agrees to let me do this performance... then the director of cca club will have to promise tt after this performance i have to quit main comm PLUS dance team... wtf... it's the principal who wants us to perform this... making it in general.. will b.. it's the school hu wants me to perform.. and now the school wants me to quit dance team.. and the director of cca club happily promised without even consulting me.. so wat now.. conveying a message to me telling me tt students need not b respected? and we students have to follow u wad eva rules... if tt's e case.. i tell u all.. i will respect u all.. and salute u all with my middle finger.. cool? and it's after everything has been concluded.. that they tell me all... fair? m i in a position to make any decision for myself? to fight for myself.. no... if director of cca club dun agree us to b active in cca... pls...close the whole club down.. if u cant convince urself to b supportive and positive bout wat u r doing... u tink u can convince me? can convince others? if u cant.. then close everything down.. no nid to have cca recruitment...i wasnt given a choice in e veri first place.. refer to my previous entry... we were FORCED to do this performance... and it's jus so last minute...
Fight 1 (action)and there fayanne is... in her office(fight 1)... trying to explain and debate logics with me.. come on la.. if u tink ur logic will win me.. i wont b in the main comm le lo.. main comm is best for fighting for welfare of members.. basically.. i'm trained to debate le lo.. and now e fault is all on u ... and u... and ur bosses and which eva director it may concern.. i mean i m veri displeased bout the cca club also.. bcos if u want the students to perform and it clashes with their term test.. they basic things u can do is to help them settle everything and not ask the students to do it themselves.. run here and there like a mad dog.. trying to find so and so.. ridiculous rite? now i understand y my dancers no commitment... it all reflects...
Break down 1 (Boo)this thing reali affected me alot in every single way... my mind is in a whirl... i cant think properly.. so shld say i choose to run away from everything.. i dunno where to find the courage to face it.. to confront everyone and all to settle... at tt point of time.. i jus feel like disappearing... and i told yang(pres of dance team) bout this.. she say she take up the president position bcos i encourage her to do so.. and we r kinda close... mayb cos we stay next block to each other? so she say if i m to leave.. she will leave with me.. cos we promise each other to fight tis battle tog... after some crying... ally somehow or rather manage to get the grin back on my face again... luv her and belle la...
Reputatuion at stake...seriously speaking.. if we wanna b "guai lan" (pardon me for my language)... we can dun turn up for performance one lo.. e reputation is spoil then spoil la.. u guys out there tink being the most popular art grp easy? managing a team of 100 over ppl with jus one person handling.. easy? i m tired of all this also lo.. and dun try to sweet talk me after wat u all have done to me.. i not not a sweet and cute dancer and i m nvr gonna b one... not ever at least in my poly life.. i m hu i m... bootlicker not welcomed in my life... neither r hypocrite welcomed.. stay away from me..
Fight 2 (Action)at home... 11 plus pm... in msn (fight 2)... fayanne wanted to explain everything to me.. which i find it pointless oreadi.. u r jus giving me the impression tt u r covering up for u have said to me in the office.. even if e director of cca club tells me tt now they will fight for me to remain in the dance team... seriously lei.. "i give it a shit k"... i m so pissed by everything today.. i dunno how many fark words i have used in her office today... but yes.. it's not like i gonna care.. and yes i admit i did scold the director and all.. tt's bcos u all live in ur own world.. have u all ever tink from the student point of view? dont tell me u all werent once a student..once again.. talk to her in msn.. i broke down.
my thinking... respect me.. no doubt tt i m stubborn... yes i m a stubborn pig.. so? i give it a shit... i can assure u all lo.. i m not e onli one hu is unpleased bout everything... u gain wat u sow... wat u guys sow is tt u guys r so inflexible and all... and what u guys gain in the end.. is a farked up attitude by me... yes... me... come and slap me hard if u disagree with wat i have mentioned... if not.. fark upself upside down or in which ever way u fele comfortable with..search ur soul and ask urself.. whether it's true or not.. i'm not going to care whether fayanne is gonna find her way here to read my blog.. cos wad eva i have said here is wat i have clarify with u..
Resignation of Pei (says goodbye)tinking of leaving the dance team now... everything seems so worthless.. so meaningless... it's jus like a pool of shit to me at this veri current moment.. i feel shitty too... instead of waiting for u guys.. high handed ppl up there to remove me.. i stil have tt little dignity in me.. i will leave myself... u guys nid no discussion... pointless... even if i stay... jus bcos fayanne is going round explaining to her bosses and begging for me (though she claims this is not begging).. u tink i stil feel proud in the dance team? my ans to tt is NO.. and u tink my commitment level stil there? sad but sorry to say... NO... like i say... how u treat ppl and all... it all goes back to u... (feng shui lun liu zhuan)
Conclusion
end of story... recovering emotionally right now..
Yxiaopei'er♥