Friday, September 22, 2006
i feel tt i m in e lowest point in my life now.. i jus feel like stoning there.. not doing anything... waiting for death day to come.. i dunno y i m sad.. but i m jus sad.. i mean.. u dun reali need a reason to be sad rite? i broke down the moment i reach home.. and cried all the way till now.. which is 530pm.. so yah.. cried for ard 4 hours.. xingan was online.. we talked.. but not much.. i dun feel like mentioning anything.. dun feel like talking.. no nothing.. for the rest of the days in this month.. i wanna be sad.. or shld i say.. i will be sad..sick and tired of evrything single thing tt has gotta do with dance.. but i dunno y my determination of staying in dance is stil there.. cos of concert? is dance stil a passion? or has it become a responsibility tt i have to bear? i m sick and tired of ppl ard me.. seriously.. too many conflicts in the dance team and so much unhappinness.. i know wat's going on.. i've heard things here and there.. some makes sense.. some r jus childish nonsense.. what's holding me back to stay on in the team.. practically nothing.. but i dunno y i m stil here.. one fine day.. i shall make everyone sit down and voice out all their unhappinness.. instead of backstbbing here and there.. ppl hu r guilty.. reflect.. tt's wat i always say.. no names mentioned..i managed to chat with him in msn for 15 minutes or so.. i told him everything i feel like saying.. feel a bit better.. but i m stil down.. i got the urge to stab myself to death now.. i m not into depression k.. i jus feel tt life is so meaningless now.. i feel like withdrawing from wad eva i m doing now.. feel like not meeting or seeing any single human in my life now.. jus let me sleep and live in my own teenie weenie world.. i have no freaking idea y i become liddat.. but i m jus liddat..he told me he wont let my go through my bdae without even 1% of joy on tt very day.. i dunno.. shall c.. my world is upside down now.. mayb for todae.. will tomolo b a better day?
Yxiaopei'er♥
