Thursday, February 15, 2007
how is the feeling like when u r being abandoned.. for a moment.. i'm lost.. emotions and stress and everything jus came rushing in.. like a tsunami without warnings given.. how cool is it to meet instructors who have simply given up on u.. we r on our own.. left with 2 paths to choose.. either to give up or to struggle through.. at this crucial point of time.. i guess all we can do is to work as a team.. grudges set aside and all.. i shall try my best to be the nicest person on earth ever to make this thing works.. i need motivation.. to keep myself going.. and i m telling myself not to give up on the team.. though it's like impossible.. i dunno where to find hope again.. sense of emptiness.. loneliness.. and hopeless..there's so much mayb in my head:mayb things wouldnt b liddat if i insist on backing out the first time?mayb thing wont b so bad if we werent so defensive?mayb things wouldnt b this way if we had not listen to ryan and accept gin?mayb things wouldnt b liddat if we didnt wanted to participate in dancwork?i need a break from dance.. i need a break from the world.. i wish no one is toking to me now.. a call from gin call make my heart dropped.. the sentence she said.. was so impactful.. she told me ryan jus called her after our training and said tt he is going to leave us alone.. was tt his best effort in trying to make things work.. i know we sounded defensive.. but yah.. such harsh words actually came out from his mouth.. wat nonsense.. did he even tried explaining things to us in the first place?a conclusion i came to.. never trust.. now even in ur bf.. ur family.. or even ur closest kin.. it doesnt help.. NEVER try releasing ur guard against anyone as long as they r some living things.. it jus doesnt help.. when u try being nice and friendly.. the thorn will poke right through into ur heart...can u sense my heart bleeding now?it was a bad bad day..
Yxiaopei'er♥
